“Most of us have an idea of what life with a new baby “should” look like- perhaps like this photo. A smiling new mom, lots of sweet baby snuggles, maybe a few jokes about feeling tired but how it’s “all worth it”. We may also have an idea of what postpartum mental illness looks like. Maybe you think of a mom crying all the time, or a mom who harms her child.

This is a photo of early motherhood, and of postpartum mental illness. I took this picture the day I finalized my plan to end my life. I took it because